Apple Kuchen was a favorite in my grandmother’s house growing up. She would make it for special occasions, or sometimes, just because. Looking back, she probably made it more often than she normally would because I would beg her to make it with me in the kitchen! I loved pulling the chair up to the side of the counter, help her measure the brown sugar, sift the flour in her old fashioned sifter, even attempt at peeling the apples. She used to give me little pieces of brown sugar to nibble on as we baked–she’d roll a little bit into a tiny ball between her long, strong fingers, then hold it out for me to take out of her rough and kitchen-worn palm–all with a bright, very bright twinkle in her eye.

I make this cake whenever I feel like I need a hug. Yep, it’s a total sweets-for-the-soul type thing which I recognize. But it goes beyond the satisfying slice eaten after it’s done baking. Making this cake takes me back to a place when I felt seen–when I was the apple of someone’s eye and I knew it. Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and meditating on the word “value”. I was surprised when I realized value permeated every aspect of my life–personally as a woman, daughter, girlfriend, in my career and financial health, and, most interestingly with my self. Do I value who I am and what I do? Do I really value my true self? Do I value what it is I’m trying to do or achieve with my life? (Deep questions–and I’ve found once I start asking, more questions keep popping up!)

Then I started to listen. Listen and feel, more accurately. For me, I feel first–then, and only then–can I put words into what is going on. And even that can take some time, like a simmering pot with its contents not quite finished. And what I heard, and felt, were important childhood memories like these: my grandmother making this cake with me, my aunt who would bring me over to her house for the most amazing sleepovers with movies, popcorn, and ice cream, my best friend and her parents who lovingly indulged my need to be with them because I couldn’t get what I needed at home, so I was there almost every day of the week. It was memories like these that started to speak, to remind me of my inherent worth, just because I am me. That’s a pretty cool thing to realize when that wasn’t displayed or taught or felt growing up. Teaching myself this has been a challenge–but incredible in so many other ways.

The next word that keeps popping into my head is “choice.” Now that “value” has been thoroughly investigated, this word has made itself very present in my conscious thoughts. Isn’t it interesting how one thing leads to the next in life? The constant growth as we progress down our paths amazes me. I’m curious to see what comes about next, and what “choice” brings up…

Have a wonderful weekend! I hope the sun is shining wherever you are

Grandma Martin’s Apple Kuchen

2 cups flour 1 teaspoon baking powder 1/2 teaspoon salt 1 cup sugar 1/4 pound butter (1 stick) 1/2 cup milk 1 egg *I added about a teaspoon of vanilla to the batter

Sift dry ingredients. Cream butter, sugar, and egg. Combine with the dry ingredients, alternating with the milk, stir until well blended. Spread in a buttered and floured 9×12 pan (the dough is very sticky, take your time spreading it out, it takes a little bit of work). Add the sliced apples by arranging them on top of the batter. Next add the topping (below).

1/2 cup sugar 1/4 cup flour 1/4 cup butter * I added a sprinkle of cinnamon too

Mix well as for pie crust and sprinkle over the apples which have been cut into small pieces for 30-40 minutes at 350 F degrees.

Enjoy!