For the past month or so, I’ve been planning. Spectacular, beautiful, and meaningful eating design events have been playing through my mind’s eye over and over. Interesting, I would think to myself as I watched these scenes unfold before me. And I really couldn’t (and can’t) help it, they just burst into my head. At first, I didn’t judge them. It was fun day-dreaming (the best form of mental exercise there is), seeing what my imagination would come up with next. But then, when I started to question this use of my time, and mainly myself, I started to panic. Literally, worry. And not just a little, but a lot. What does this mean? Why is this happening? Ugh, I thought, talk about putting a damper on things. When this happens, and I’m lucky enough to catch myself at it, I try to frame things in a new light for myself to help me step outside of the issue, ex: If your best friend came to you and confided she’d been having some wonderfully creative ideas popping up, would you dissuade her and her process by asking non supportive probing questions? No.
As it turns out, there is still a lot of MFA left in me. In fact, it’s not going anywhere. That experience, while it will take me the rest of my life to fully digest, did so much for me in the way of coming into my own. While I will be forever grateful for this, there is a lot to sort through still–something I have been putting off for, oh, the past year. Forming my creative self and coming into my own was anything but easy. Doing this under (and do mean under) intense scrutiny, critique, and little to no support would leave anyone wary–not to mention worn out. But the old adage “time heals” is certainly true, especially in this case. Except, it wasn’t my conscious mind per se, that let me know it was alright to start living creatively again, it was my day dreams. It’s amazing what a little rest, recuperation, and a focus on health will do not only to the body, but the mind as well. And those non supportive probing questions I default to asking myself (and inciting panic and immobility)? Just leftovers from a critical juncture in my personal growth. Now that I know this, I can (literally) move on!
Wouldn’t it be nice if life were always a single, aligned package, all wrapped up with a neat little bow–and presented to us for us to unwrap? I used to think so, but now I’m not so sure. Yes, it would make things “easier” in the way of knowing what’s to come exactley and not having any surprises. But it’s those surprises that force us to grow, to think for ourselves, and to live. Life may seem like a bottomless pit while we go through an especially tough time. But once through and can look back, you are undeniably a different, deeper person. That personal experience is priceless and in the end will help shape the future. The trick is, I’ve discovered, is to really understand what we’ve been through in order to know where we are going. I tried and tried to push down the shame and guilt I felt for not “living up to” the standards of my school, my parents, of whomever-I-felt-I-let-down-before; for not “creating” in a way they saw fit, or living my life in a way that they could understand. Cliche sounding, I know. But, it’s even more weird when you realize,
hey, that’s exactley what I’ve been doing.
It’s even weird now to say out loud. But, I’m excited because I can take action and do something about it.
All of this thinking and multiple realizations later, (of course) I found myself in the kitchen. My focus was on these oat bars and trying to find one that I could make over and over again, to have as a staple snack in the house. Crunchy, chewy, layered with texture and pizazz, I want no ordinary oat bar. So I recipe tested until I found the winner. Of course (and this ALWAYS happens!) Heidi Swanson‘s power bars won out. She is incredible, seriously, incredible. And her recipes, well, they are all over-the-top incredible too. So you know what to expect from these oat bars then–sheer amazingness. The other blueberry oat bars were delicious too, don’t get me wrong. But they were actually more like a dessert than a grab-and-go kind of thing I was looking for. I’d make them again for sure and the filling options could be endless (substitute the blueberries for pumpkin, cherries, apples, you name it…). So really, it was a win win for us all.
Happy recipe trying (and meditating)!
Cranberry Ginger Power Bars, via Heidi Swanson
1 1/4 cups walnut halves (5 ounces) 1 1/2 cups puffed brown rice cereal 1 1/4 cups rolled oats 1 cup dried cranberries, chopped 1/2 cup oat bran 3 tablespoons finely chopped crystallized ginger 1 cup brown rice syrup (see Note) 1/4 cup natural cane sugar (see Note) 1/2 teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
Preheat the oven to 350°. Lightly spray an 8-by-11-inch baking dish with cooking spray. Spread the walnuts on a baking sheet and toast until fragrant and golden, about 9 minutes. Let cool, then coarsely chop. Transfer the walnuts to a large bowl. Add the puffed rice, rolled oats, cranberries, oat bran and ginger and toss well.
In a small saucepan, combine the brown rice syrup, cane sugar and salt and bring to a boil over moderate heat. Cook, stirring occasionally, until the mixture is slightly thickened, about 4 minutes. Remove from the heat and stir in the vanilla. Pour the syrup into the rice-oat mixture and toss to coat thoroughly. Transfer the warm mixture to the prepared baking dish and pack lightly with a spatula greased with cooking spray. Let cool for at least 45 minutes before cutting into 16 bars.
The cranberry-walnut bars can be wrapped individually in plastic wrap or waxed paper and kept in an airtight container for up to 4 days.
Blueberry Oat bars, via Fat Free Vegan Kitchen
1 pint blueberries 1/4 cup agave nectar 1/4 cup apple juice 1/2 teaspoon vanilla 2 tablespoons cornstarch mixed with enough water or juice to form a smooth paste
3 cups oatmeal* (regular, not instant) 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder 1/4 teaspoon salt 6 ounces unsweetened applesauce 6 tablespoons (3/8 cup) agave nectar 6 tablespoons (3/8 cup) water 1 teaspoon vanilla
Preheat oven to 375F. Oil an 8×8-inch baking dish.
In a small saucepan, combine the blueberries, agave nectar, and juice. Bring to a boil over medium-high heat. When it boils, stir in the vanilla and the cornstarch mixture. Continue to stir as the mixture boils and thickens. Remove from heat and set aside.
Put 1 1/2 cups of the oatmeal into a blender and grind it to a fine powder. Pour it into a medium-sized mixing bowl and add the remaining oatmeal, cinnamon, baking powder, and salt. Mix well. Stir in the apple sauce, agave nectar, water, and vanilla, and mix well.
Spread half of the batter into the prepared pan, smoothing well to cover the bottom of the pan. Spoon the blueberry filling over the batter, and cover the blueberries with the remaining batter.
Bake for 30 minutes, or until the top is lightly browned. Allow to cool before cutting into bars.
I’ve been thinking about granola for a few months now. Every time I go for my favorite box of granola in the grocery store, a little voice in my head can’t stop itself from saying “you could make that! And easily…” With so much going on lately, I’ve gotten used to this repeat occurrence, simply taking a deep breath and mentally rolling my eyes, appeasing myself with something along the lines of “later”. Finally, with the oral defense complete (and successful!) I’ve had some time to myself. For the first time in months, I have been able to wake up in the morning and do exactley what I want and need! These past few days have been luxurious because I have been able to get some much needed rest, organized months of accumulation, and even watched a movie!
But homemade granola was the first thing that came to mind, again, after this big ending. I could not come up with a good excuse to not make it and why should I? So I set out on my bike with the days to-do list, stopping here and there, finished up a screen print project for my friend Abby, had a tea with friends, and finally, gathered all the materials I needed for this granola.
Now I must say, I did not grow up in a household where we ate any granola or even organic foods. My mother, who worked full time, cooked because she had to and never enjoyed it. She did make sure we had fresh fruits and veggies on the most part, but our relationship with food growing up was one of necessity, not something that was savored. So where did this craving from granola show up from? Living in Oregon? A challenge from myself? A backlash from my childhood? I am still not quite sure, maybe all three. Or, more than likely, my body has been needing specific nutrients that it has not been getting that it could get from this granola: flax seeds, whole rolled oats, sunflower and pumpkin seeds, all have amazing nutritional properties that maybe I have been needing to replenish. Granola somehow embodies sheer health, and sheer health does not mean tastes bad (like cardboard). In this case, that couldn’t be further from the truth. This granola could not have surprised me more, especially how much I liked it!
My mind was actually a little blown when I tasted the first batch! This is an amazing recipe, simple, and easy to do. I added a little bit of cardamom to give it a little bit of complexity with the cinnamon undertones.
It’s amazing how something as simple as listening to yourself (even if it only a nagging voice to make granola) can be so grounding and fulfilling. Something I keep coming back to and am constantly reminded of through different experiences is, my gut is never wrong (all puns intended!). When I listen, it is always without fail, right. But those times I choose to ignore it, things do not happen as I foresee them to and usually turn out not so great. Sometimes, my gut tells me things that may seem a little wacky at the time (gut-to-me: make this granola NOW girl!) or down right outlandish (gut-to-me two years ago: move across the country, leave all your friends and family, and start a new life NOW girl!), but I’ve learned to trust myself, my instinct/gut, and go with it. And so far, it’s worked 
.
Granola from The Kitchen Sink Recipes
3 1/2 cups rolled oats
1/2 cup coconut flakes, unsweeteend
3 tablespoons flax seeds
3 tablespoons sesame seeds
1/4 cup sunflower or pumpkin seeds
1/2 cup toasted mixed nuts, chopped (I used pistachios and almonds here)
2 teaspoons cinnamon
1 teaspoon sea salt
1/4 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup canola oil
2 tablespoons honey
1 tablespoon pure maple syrup
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
2 cups mixed dried fruit (I used raisins and dried cherries and cranberries here)
Preheat the oven to 375. Line a rimmed baking sheet with aluminum foil. In a large bowl, combine all the ingredients except the dried fruit. Stir well to incorporate. Spread the mixture on the prepared baking sheet, spreading it out into an even layer. Bake for 20 to 30 minutes (depending on the depth of goldenness you’re looking for), stirring every 10 minutes. Remove the granola from the oven and and cool completely, in its pan, on a wire wrack. Once the granola is cool, mix in the dried fruit.
ps- My favorite way to eat granola is over warm oatmeal with a dollop of plain yogurt, yum!
Have a great weekend!
