Thanksgiving. This year has given this holiday tradition and word all new meaning for me. In years past, I admit I did not get into the holiday spirit as much as I could have–(or would have liked too because I love the holidays). My family went through some pretty hefty transitions over the past decade–kids moving out (and back in and then out again) of the nest, divorce, marriage, death, and moving; all major and stressful life-transitions a person or family can go through.
It was a confusing time and difficult to understand, much less swallow. Thanksgiving dinners always seemed to get stuck in my throat–I couldn’t let anything nourishing or warm into my heart, because it hurt so much. But honestly, if we hadn’t been through those dark days, gone through the hard times, and seen the darker aspects of ourselves and life, we wouldn’t be who we are today. And from all of those major occurrences, I now know that it wasn’t just me who has grown. This thanksgiving was healing in that way.
I went across the country back home and had two thanksgivings–one with my mom and her family, one with my dad and Kim, my stepmother, and her family. I didn’t cook this year–which was actually a big challenge for me. But I realize it wasn’t about the food or what it tasted like, much less what exactly was being served. It was about (re)connecting, (re)affirming long time bonds, and being with people whom I have loved indefinitely for my whole life. The food was only an excuse–a catalyst–in a much larger, much deeper familial healing and ritual.
I also realized that my parents, in their own quirky ways, have given me so much. I know it isn’t uncommon to focus on the more annoying qualities of the people who raised you–I do it all the time! And there is even an old saying: No wonder our parents can push our buttons; their the ones that installed them in the first place. So true! But something this thanksgiving happened–like a shift of some sort–and that nagging, tugging, not-so-nice feeling I get in my gut or heart when I start to get really annoyed with them seemed to switch on something new: what if I was to look at my parents beautiful qualities, just as people? Strip away the history of flawed parenting, hurt feelings, and easy button-pushing, and just see them? This is what I saw and realize I am so thankful for in them:
Dad–his positivity is infectious, he sees the bright side and tells you about it; he will encourage you, even if he doesn’t understand exactly what you are trying to do but he does understand it means a lot to you; he loves to learn and isn’t afraid to tackle something new; he’s a mover and is really active, he loves walking, exploring, and getting out; he is fun to be with and super social; he always has a smile for you, always–and it’s a big one.
Mom–she doesn’t sweat the small stuff; she loves to have fun and has taught me the importance of doing things I love; she has a great artistic eye and knows how to make a space feel like home; she loves foods that are nutritious and simple and introduced me to this way of eating at a very young age; she isn’t afraid to try new things; she always has a story to tell; and she loves going places like the museums or the theater.
Kim–she’s been a successful business owner for the past 23 years which is hugely cool; and she loves my dad.
Food is easy for me to do. Eating, creating, and making are not challenges for me, or where the real art was for me this time around. Rather, it was the people I was with that I focused on this time. They were the ones who posed challenges which allowed me to creatively reconnect myself with them and with my past. The food, for once in my life, became secondary.
Image via here (because I didn’t get a chance to take a snapshot of this before it was eaten!)Cranberry Upside Down Cake, via The Art of Simple Food by Alice Waters
*I did make this cake for my thanksgiving dinner at my mother’s, per her request which I was all too happy to comply. She found this recipe in the November issue of Eating Well, one of her favorite magazines.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Measure into an 8-inch cast iron skillet or if you don’t have one, just use a small sautee pan. (You can bake the whole thing in a round cake pan with a removable bottom if you don’t have the cast iron skillet–that’s what I did and it worked out great).
4 tablespoons butter (1/2 stick) unsalted butter
3/4 cup brown sugar
Cover over medium heat, stirring constantly, until the butter melts and starts to bubble. Remove from the heat and allow to cool.
Heat together in a small saucepan:
2 3/4 cups fresh cranberries
1/4 cups fresh orange juice
Cook until the cranberries just start to pop. Remove from the heat and our evenly over the cooled caramel (in the cast iron skillet or the sautee pan).
Separate:
2 eggs, at room temperature
Measure:
1/2 cup whole milk, at room temperature
Measure and stir together:
1 1/2 cups unbleached all purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
In another bowl or in a stand mixer, beat to lighten:
8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened
Add:
1 cup granulated sugar
Cream until light and fluffy. Beat in the 2 yolks, one at a time. Stir in:
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
When well mixed, add the flour mixture alternately with the milk, starting and ending with one third of the flour. Stir until the flour is incorporated. Beat the egg whites until they hold soft peaks. Fold one third of the egg whites into the batter and then gently fold in the rest. If using the cast iron skillet, pour the batter directly on top of the cranberries and caramel mixture and then stick the whole thing in the oven. If using a round cake pan with removable bottom, scrap the cranberries and all the caramel goodness into the cake pan first, then pour the batter over it. Don’t worry if it doesn’t spread to the edges, it will while it bakes. Bake for 30-35 minutes or until the top is golden brown and the cake pulls away from the sides of the pan. Invert onto a serving plate and enjoy with some rum or vanilla flavored fresh whipped cream!
Happy Thanksgiving!
